BEYOND THE QUICK FIX

The ultimate goal of resolving differences is to reach a permanent solution. A quick fix won't last unless it can be turned into a satisfying settlement.

Given an opportunity to reflect on hastily resolved conflicts, people often admit dissatisfaction with their acceptance of a "feel good" solution. Their willingness to settle quickly is often based on an evasive or defensive reaction.

A productive resolution involves blending each person's expectations. So, deeper discussions may be necessary before a durable resolution is achieved. Taking the time to work out a permanent solution builds trust and establishes commitment.

Be aware, however, that when you step in to "manage" a conflict between friends or colleagues, the resolution belongs to you; it's your idea, not theirs.

If you're really good at it, others will depend on you to act as adjudicator when conflicts arise which is time-consuming, unproductive and potentially dysfunctional. These folks have nothing vested in the decision, so they don't feel responsible for either the conflict or the means of resolving it.

Encouraging others to manage their own conflicts places the responsibility on their shoulders and frees you up to pursue more fruitful endeavors.

Collaborators openly express their concerns, readily pose difficult questions and willingly face the core issues that are keeping them from achieving success.

Note: Learn to work with people you don't know, don't trust, don't like.

V.O.R.

MAKING YOUR POINT WITHOUT MAKING AN ENEMY

Being tactful and nonjudgmental when broaching a touchy topic is not easy. Like most people at the giving end of critical feedback, your goal is to cultivate an ally not make an enemy.

Ultimately, you want people to be open about their concerns especially when something is amiss. Withholding the truth sets up boundaries and discourages the further exploration of differing points of view.

Communicating honestly, even when it raises tempers, ultimately pulls people together and builds trust.

Your purpose in seeking the truth, then, is to get people to take remedial action to fix what's wrong, not to fix blame. But none of this will happen if what you say doesn't match what you mean. Dancing around the truth may avoid hurt feelings, but it doesn't change behavior.

If you expect people to communicate honestly, you may have to show them how to share their concerns, ask difficult questions and face up to the issues that are keeping them from telling each other the truth.

Note: Truth telling is risky work, but the payoff is worth it.

V.O.R.

CENTER ON THE HERE AND NOW

Economic uncertainty can send some people into a doom loop where the days are cloudy and the future is dim. What those folks need is someone to center on the here and now long enough for the sun to peak through and light up the horizon.

You could be that person. All it takes is a willingness to follow these guidelines:

* State your position when the prevailing wisdom is off target, out of date or simply incorrect. Speaking out to challenge generalizations or to correct misstatements gives others the courage to contribute their views as well.

* When sharing information, avoid making indirect references to unofficial sources. If you haven't heard it first hand, verify the accuracy with the original source before you pass it on.

* Encourage others to express concerns when things aren't going as planned. Ask for suggestions on how the end goal could be achieved. Instill confidence by focusing on what others are doing right.

* Recognize signs of progress, even minimal gains, and don't let the slightest improvement slip by unnoticed. Resist the temptation to revisit past inequities or injustices.

Note: Success is about preparation and moving forward.

V.O.R.

WHAT NEEDS CORRECTING, NOT WHO

When a conflict flairs, defending your position should not be your first priority. Instead, listen first to the other person to better understand what's keeping you apart. Then, armed with two perspectives, you can search for additional sources from which to glean clarifying information. 

Disagreements provide a natural opportunity for the involved parties to dig deeper into their differences. Agreeing to disagree until the conflict is resolved is mutually beneficial. If you still can't settle the issue, set it aside for now so it doesn't degrade your relationship.

Concentrating on the true source of conflict makes the issue less personal and easier to discuss. It also helps to motivate both parties to work out their differences. Solving conflicts collaboratively enables you to work more productively with a wider assortment of people.

When interpersonal conflicts are explored fully it becomes obvious what, not who, needs correcting. What follows, then, is the realization that your efforts are recognized, your contributions are valued, your job is more fun and this really is a great place to work. Formerly strained relationships, which were once a source of pain, now become opportunities for gain.

Note: Unresolved conflict drives people apart when they need to pull together.

V.O.R.

DON'T MOVE THEIR CHEESE

You have more contact with peers than with bosses, so there is room in those relationships for more misinterpretation when you embark on the path to professional development.

Your colleagues have invested time and effort in getting to know you, so don't be surprised if they are resistive to your good intentions. They want things to remain familiar and comfortable for them; it's not about you.

After spending so much time together, people get to know each others strengths, weaknesses, hopes and ambitions all of which are subject to misunderstanding during a period of personal transition.

Peers base their expectations on fairness and equity; you do your job and they'll do theirs. They will demand more from you because their job is so affected if you are not pulling your weight.

While your attention is drawn to building new skills, they're concerned about having to pick up the slack if you don't meet their needs.

By seeking to better yourself you run the risk of being ostracized. In some ways it's much like high school where the pressure to conform can generate feelings of guilt which you don't deserve.

Note: Negative peer pressure can neutralize your best intentions.

V.O.R.