Solving problems requires that you look at the past--relationships are built around what has happened. Making decisions requires that you seek information about the future--relationships are based upon what could happen.
Working on both simultaneously will create confusion and cause conflict. That's why is is critical to first establish a common purpose before you pool your knowledge and begin your work.
Problem solving and decision making are two separate and uniquely different processes. A problem exists when there's a difference between what was supposed to happen and what actually transpired.
Your purpose, then, is to reinvent the memory of those most familiar with the deviation. The most effective action is to "think backwards," recalling the relevant details and remembering those forgotten bits and pieces. Piecing them together will shed light on what went wrong.
Decision making is about setting a new course and creating a more desirable response in the future. The most effective action is to "think forward," focusing your attention on what lies ahead.
Start by discussing what has happened. Is something broken, missing or out of alignment? Was a mistake made, if so what caused it and who's responsible? The tone of each question determines whether you start digging through the data that's available or begin a search for new sources of information.
Most people find it easier to examine what went wrong because they lack a clear sense of how to put it right. Thus, building a relationship centered on the past is more natural than forming one based upon the future.
The past is known and much easier to recall and discuss. The future is an untold story that is difficult to share because you haven't been there or done that yet. Hence, there's not much to talk about when it comes to discussing what's going to happen.
Sharing your preferences about what's possible will attract new people who think, speak and act in ways that may inspire you to let go of the past and relish what lies ahead.
Purpose and process complement passion and personality.
V. O. R.
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