We tend to be less open and direct with people we don't like. Being truthful with some people and not with others impedes your ability to communicate openly and honestly with both.
The really sad thing about "unpopular" people is that they are unaware, hence unconcerned, about how others feel about them. Is it really their fault for not getting it? Is it right to call them idiots just because no one cares enough to provide them with honest feedback?
Clueless people are unaware that others find them difficult to be around. When they eventually discover the truth about how they come across, they react with surprise and dismay.
Once they get over the initial shock and the inevitable hurt feelings, the first question they ask is: Why didn't someone say something before this? Why indeed! When that question is posed to the unpopular person's coworkers their typical response is, "How could he not know; we gave him enough clues?
Clues are for mystery books and board games, not the workplace. Idiots are idiots because they don't get it. You must be clear and direct when communicating with people regardless of whether you like them or not. Clues and hints, no matter how frequent or how strong, won't get the desired point across.
Collaborative relationships form when expectations are clearly understood.
V. O. R.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
SHARING YOUR TRUTH WITH OTHERS
Only an idiot would enjoy working in a tension-filled environment. So, consider what it would mean should the conflicts you're currently embroiled in remain unresolved.
Not everyone is comfortable disclosing their frustrations in an open forum. Hence, the best option for sharing your truth with others is to have those within your sphere of influence anonymously write down on 3 x 5 cards those conflicts they'd like to see resolved--no names please, just the facts.
The heaviest, most sensitive issues that no one dares mention usually top the individual lists. Such deep-seated issues have been around so long that they take on additional weight and thus require additional effort to resolve.
Compile a master list and then have each person rank order the issues. The participants then work through the prioritized list together one issue at a time.
Begin the dialogue with the least threatening conflicts and save the heavier stuff for later when the chances of success are greater.
This simple, yet constructive process often exposes people for the first time to the possibility that they may not know the truth, or that they may not be able to discover the truth on their own.
As you progress through the master list, people will learn how to express their concerns, ask difficult questions and face the deeper issues that have been driving them apart.
Once this process becomes a natural part of your work routine, you should have little difficulty getting your colleagues to share their concerns and resolve their issues with each other in an orderly manner.
High achievers are the first to leave a conflict-riddled workplace.
V. O. R.
Not everyone is comfortable disclosing their frustrations in an open forum. Hence, the best option for sharing your truth with others is to have those within your sphere of influence anonymously write down on 3 x 5 cards those conflicts they'd like to see resolved--no names please, just the facts.
The heaviest, most sensitive issues that no one dares mention usually top the individual lists. Such deep-seated issues have been around so long that they take on additional weight and thus require additional effort to resolve.
Compile a master list and then have each person rank order the issues. The participants then work through the prioritized list together one issue at a time.
Begin the dialogue with the least threatening conflicts and save the heavier stuff for later when the chances of success are greater.
This simple, yet constructive process often exposes people for the first time to the possibility that they may not know the truth, or that they may not be able to discover the truth on their own.
As you progress through the master list, people will learn how to express their concerns, ask difficult questions and face the deeper issues that have been driving them apart.
Once this process becomes a natural part of your work routine, you should have little difficulty getting your colleagues to share their concerns and resolve their issues with each other in an orderly manner.
High achievers are the first to leave a conflict-riddled workplace.
V. O. R.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
ESTABLISHING A COMMON PURPOSE
Solving problems requires that you look at the past--relationships are built around what has happened. Making decisions requires that you seek information about the future--relationships are based upon what could happen.
Working on both simultaneously will create confusion and cause conflict. That's why is is critical to first establish a common purpose before you pool your knowledge and begin your work.
Problem solving and decision making are two separate and uniquely different processes. A problem exists when there's a difference between what was supposed to happen and what actually transpired.
Your purpose, then, is to reinvent the memory of those most familiar with the deviation. The most effective action is to "think backwards," recalling the relevant details and remembering those forgotten bits and pieces. Piecing them together will shed light on what went wrong.
Decision making is about setting a new course and creating a more desirable response in the future. The most effective action is to "think forward," focusing your attention on what lies ahead.
Start by discussing what has happened. Is something broken, missing or out of alignment? Was a mistake made, if so what caused it and who's responsible? The tone of each question determines whether you start digging through the data that's available or begin a search for new sources of information.
Most people find it easier to examine what went wrong because they lack a clear sense of how to put it right. Thus, building a relationship centered on the past is more natural than forming one based upon the future.
The past is known and much easier to recall and discuss. The future is an untold story that is difficult to share because you haven't been there or done that yet. Hence, there's not much to talk about when it comes to discussing what's going to happen.
Sharing your preferences about what's possible will attract new people who think, speak and act in ways that may inspire you to let go of the past and relish what lies ahead.
Purpose and process complement passion and personality.
V. O. R.
Working on both simultaneously will create confusion and cause conflict. That's why is is critical to first establish a common purpose before you pool your knowledge and begin your work.
Problem solving and decision making are two separate and uniquely different processes. A problem exists when there's a difference between what was supposed to happen and what actually transpired.
Your purpose, then, is to reinvent the memory of those most familiar with the deviation. The most effective action is to "think backwards," recalling the relevant details and remembering those forgotten bits and pieces. Piecing them together will shed light on what went wrong.
Decision making is about setting a new course and creating a more desirable response in the future. The most effective action is to "think forward," focusing your attention on what lies ahead.
Start by discussing what has happened. Is something broken, missing or out of alignment? Was a mistake made, if so what caused it and who's responsible? The tone of each question determines whether you start digging through the data that's available or begin a search for new sources of information.
Most people find it easier to examine what went wrong because they lack a clear sense of how to put it right. Thus, building a relationship centered on the past is more natural than forming one based upon the future.
The past is known and much easier to recall and discuss. The future is an untold story that is difficult to share because you haven't been there or done that yet. Hence, there's not much to talk about when it comes to discussing what's going to happen.
Sharing your preferences about what's possible will attract new people who think, speak and act in ways that may inspire you to let go of the past and relish what lies ahead.
Purpose and process complement passion and personality.
V. O. R.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
COLLABORATIVE RELATIONSHIPS CREATE SPIRIT
Before you decide to join forces with a colleague you have to ask yourself the question: "What's in it for me?" At first glance there may appear to be very little benefit from the association. You may have to look a little closer before you realize that you can't do it alone and really do need what the other person brings to the table.
Even if you believe the potential collaborator is an idiot, you'll never know for certain until you work along side that person long enough to confirm your suspicions. All those with whom you work bring to the job a set of abilities and experiences that are different from yours.
It's possible that neither of you have the necessary skills to complete the task on your own. So, by combining your individual talents the potential for success is higher than what either of you could have achieved independently.
Something unique happens when you partner with a peer to complete an assignment neither of you could have completed on your own. A creative spirit emerges that wasn't there before; like an unseen hand is lifting you up. Your desire to build upon the relationship increases as you feel inspired to dig deeper and aim higher on the next project.
One of the benefits of collaborating is that you can still retain your sense of personal worth while tapping into the other person's eagerness to excel. Even if your first attempt fails, you can still try again after you've both thought about what went wrong and realize what to do differently next time.
Working well with others adds vitality to your life.
V. O. R.
Even if you believe the potential collaborator is an idiot, you'll never know for certain until you work along side that person long enough to confirm your suspicions. All those with whom you work bring to the job a set of abilities and experiences that are different from yours.
It's possible that neither of you have the necessary skills to complete the task on your own. So, by combining your individual talents the potential for success is higher than what either of you could have achieved independently.
Something unique happens when you partner with a peer to complete an assignment neither of you could have completed on your own. A creative spirit emerges that wasn't there before; like an unseen hand is lifting you up. Your desire to build upon the relationship increases as you feel inspired to dig deeper and aim higher on the next project.
One of the benefits of collaborating is that you can still retain your sense of personal worth while tapping into the other person's eagerness to excel. Even if your first attempt fails, you can still try again after you've both thought about what went wrong and realize what to do differently next time.
Working well with others adds vitality to your life.
V. O. R.
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